She couldn't do any more and she wouldn't. She'd felt desperate the last couple of days and had resorted to measures that were not things she normally did: she had begged, pleaded in fact, argued, stomped away in anger, turned a cold shoulder, and even attempted the old female standby - crying. But it had all been in vain. None of them would work and she knew it; all they did was take away time, time that was so precious to them both at the moment. Her husband was leaving her; leaving her for a cause that she just couldn't believe in. She had thought, prayed really, that once they were married, his need to preserve his memories by going off to join the war would fade as they faced the challenge of making new memories together. She should have known that once he felt compelled to do something, nothing or no one could change his mind. But what could she do? She loved him with her whole heart so she was compelled to support his decision, even if she thought it was the worst one he'd ever made. And she thought he'd made some wrong ones in the short time they'd known each other, that was for sure. But none of that mattered now - tonight was all that mattered, the few precious hours they had left together until he rode out of town in the morning. Lou took one more look toward the barn, from where she'd seated herself on the front steps of her new home. Kid had made sure she would be well provided for - he'd purchased the house with no bank loan, she didn't know how and didn't want to ask. She had enough money saved up so she wouldn't go hungry and was even given a job assisting Rachel at the schoolhouse. The only thing she wouldn't have was the man she loved, the man she'd married just a short month ago. Kid had been in the barn for a while now, more than likely saying good-bye to his favorite mount. He'd made the decision to leave Katy behind so nothing would happen to her and was taking one of the Express horses with him instead. Lou hoped that seeing Katy each day would give her some comfort but knew that was just wishful thinking - no one or nothing could replace the joy she felt just by being in the presence of the only man she had ever and would ever love. Lou sighed, she didn't want him wasting their time together but spending it in the barn with an animal, no, she wanted him with her, any way he wanted to be. She wanted to say good-bye to him and was tired of waiting. She slowly got up and made her way into the house, letting the heavy wooden door close hard behind her. She glanced around their newly acquired home. It wasn't big but wasn't small either. There were the usual rooms downstairs and four bedrooms upstairs; how would they fill the extra bedrooms when the second person required to help in that area wasn't going to be around? She'd avoided that topic since she'd gotten engaged but now it weighed heavy on her mind. She went into the kitchen and took a seat at the large table, thankful it had been left there by the previous owners. They had also left the bed frame in the master bedroom, so thanks to Rachel giving them the mattress out of her guest room, Lou and Kid were now able to sleep at the ranch. And Lou would be able to stay there until Kid returned home to her. Lou was so lost in her thoughts it took several moments for her to realize she was hearing a voice talking out loud and it wasn't her own. She blinked her eyes to readjust to the present then turned toward the direction the voice had come from. Lou noticed Kid standing in the doorway - he had tossed his hat onto the table and was in the process of removing his coat. "What did you say?" she asked as she watched his actions. He was fiddling with the collar of his coat and she found herself wishing he was fondling a part of her instead. He had the gentlest hands she'd ever had the pleasure of being caressed by. They were rough looking, calloused from all the hard work he did each day, but when he touched her, Lou felt no evidence of such work. All she felt was pleasure as he moved them over every inch of her body, examining her as if it were for the first time, pausing when he came to a spot that brought her instant joy ... Lou's breathing became heavy as she found her hands wandering down her own body in anticipation of the movements she expected from the Kid. As her hands gripped her thighs, the way Kid always did before lowering himself onto her, she suddenly became aware of eyes staring at her. She shook her head as she couldn't believe she'd missed what he'd said once again. Grinning sheepishly at him, she asked, "What was that you said?" Kid looked at her and grinned. "What's gotten into you tonight? You seem distracted." As soon as he'd said it, he instantly grew somber. She had every right to be out of sorts tonight; he was causing her great heartache. But this was what he had to do; he couldn't ignore the calling inside of him. "It's nothin'," she told him, turning toward him. "Now what were you trying to tell me?" "It wasn't important," he told her. He'd seen how lost in thought she'd been just moments ago and couldn't help but notice the way her hands were moving. It was his job to touch her that way and that was why he had come in. "Oh," she said, getting up. "You must be hungry, let me fix you a plate. It's a good thing Rachel brought out some food with her this morning since I haven't gotten around to learning how to cook yet!" She tried to laugh at her own joke but didn't pull it off as she had planned. Now that Kid was in the house with her, in the same room with her, she suddenly felt nervous. This was the same way she'd felt on a run they had shared - the run to Redfern where they'd made love for the first time. She knew what they would wind up doing tonight, all night in fact, and it most definitely was not the first time, so why was she so nervous about it? Because it was to be the last time in she didn't know how long - this was good-bye. Kid reached out and gently grabbed her arm as she started toward the counter. When she turned to him, he looked deep into her dark eyes and said, "I am hungry, Lou, but it's not food I crave and it's not my stomach I wanna fill tonight. It's you." She locked eyes with him, needing no further understanding. He was staring at her with a longing in his eyes; Lou could easily drown in his pools of blueness. She'd felt that way since the first moment she'd met him and it had only intensified the longer she'd known him. Without a word, she let him lead her to the stairway, like she was a puppet on a string. Anything Kid wanted from her she would do, no questions asked. This would be his way of saying good-bye to her, of taking with him memories that hopefully would keep him comforted for as long as he needed them to. Once in their bedroom, Kid let her hand go as he closed the door. He started to unbutton his shirt but her hands stopped him. "Let me." He watched as she slowly undid each button. When the last was released, Lou pulled the shirttail out of his pants and pushed the garment off his shoulders then discarded his long john top, freeing him for her to see. She ran her hands over his smooth chest, feeling each muscle as they flexed under her touch. She then found his shoulders and after squeezing them, moved her hands down his strong arms. When she had said that his touch did amazing things to her, that was only a half truth - just touching him brought with it sensations she knew she'd never feel for another man. "Lou," Kid said softly. He grasped her hands as they reached his wrists and brought them to rest at her side. "Now it's my turn," he told her. She stood still as he slowly undid the buttons on her blouse. He was so gentle as he helped her out of it then released her waistband, sending her skirt to the floor. He offered her his hand so she could step away from the pile of wool lying at her feet. The gesture brought her closer to him, which was what he wanted. Kid wanted her breasts against him but wanted them uncontained. The camisole would have to go, as would the petticoat and drawers. He was suddenly anxious to see all of her so his movements sped up in his haste. Lou was suddenly standing before him totally naked. She loved the pleasing look upon her husband's face. She was far from shapely but in his eyes she was perfect and that was all that mattered, what he thought. She blushed and looked away, smiling, as Kid stood grinning, his eyes riveted to her breasts. As one arm pulled her into him, his free hand cupped her breast, gently massaging it. She arched her back in excitement, sucking in her breath, as he got more into it. She ran her hands down his back then stopped as she came in contact with fabric; she cursed herself for not having removed his pants along with his shirt but knew he always planned it this way. He would take his time to see that she got as much pleasure out of it as he did. It was also his way of torturing her, knowing how bad she wanted him but making her wait. Kid scooped her up and gently placed her on the bed, laying her head on her pillow. He then freed himself of the rest of his clothing before joining her. They'd done this so many times, when they were first going out and most recently since getting married. He knew every inch of her but wanted to rediscover what gave her pleasure. "God, I love you, Lou." Eyes locked in unanimous love for one another. Hands began to wander and Lou suddenly gasped in pleasure at feeling him pressed against her. It was the most incredible feeling but wasn't enough, she wanted him inside her not where he was now but her desire would have to wait. There would be no demanding or pleading on her part tonight; Lou let Kid lead them to where he wanted to go. This was his moment and she would let him have it, she owed him that much before he left. They'd made love whenever they got the chance ever since they had walked down the aisle as man and wife but this time it was different, there was a hidden message behind what Kid was doing and what he wanted done to him. She could sense he was savoring each movement he made, tasting just enough to wet his appetite until he couldn't hold out any longer and his hunger could only be satisfied one way. As Kid kissed his way down her body, starting at her neck, pausing at each breast, then continuing until he reached her navel, his hands were traveling to places that were aching to be acknowledged. He was stirring up sensations inside her she'd never felt before. Lou took hold of his hair in anticipation of what he'd do next. Kid felt her responding to his touches, wanting more. But after tonight there would be no more. It pained him to think of them being apart but he had to do what was right, even if it hurt her. Hopefully he could leave her with enough satisfaction inside of her that it would carry her through the lonely days ahead. He wished he could leave a part of himself with her but knew all he'd be leaving was memories. It would have to do, there was nothing more he could do for her. As she opened herself to him, he entered her slowly and purposefully - there would be no more of this, he told himself again, so he wanted it to be as meaningful as the first time. * * * * * * * * * * Lou turned over and found herself face to face with Kid. He was in a deep sleep. They'd made love for what seemed like hours then must have fallen asleep out of exhaustion. She noticed that their bodies were covered with the sheet; now she knew she hadn't pulled it over them. Kid must have done it, which meant she'd fallen asleep first. She leaned on her side, watching his chest rise and fall. Her hand reached out to caress the muscles. She didn't want this to be the last night she slept with him, she wanted this to the first of many but it was out of her hands. Her hands. Maybe they could do what she needed to do in private. She wasn't one for open displays of affection, they meant more to her when done without an audience. Lou had decided that her farewell to Kid tomorrow morning would have to be simple; she couldn't break down in front of everyone, it just wasn't like her. She would have already had her chance at good-bye before they got to the way station so the others could see him off. Lou had always figured she'd end up pouring out her heart to him one more time but instead knew that this would mean much more to both of them. Kid had always led in their lovemaking, she was the more passive one and he hadn't seemed to mind. Sure she let him know what pleased her and did what brought him pleasure in return, and was more than willing to strip him of his clothing, but once in the bed, she never took the initiative. Now was the time to make her move. She pulled herself up until her breasts were leaning heavy on his chest. Lou started weaving her hands through his wavy hair while her lips massaged his mouth. Kid stirred and instantly responded to the kisses. "Lou?" he questioned groggily. "Shh," she whispered, looking into his eyes. "You made your memories before now there's something I need to do." When he turned questioning eyes her way, she answered, "I need to say good-bye to you my way, not with words but with a simple gesture, a touch that you'll hopefully remember for a long time to come. You've always led, now it's my turn. Good-bye, Kid." Kid caught his breath as he felt Lou's hand slide under the sheet. She smiled wickedly at him as she caught the object of her desire. Email Debbie TYR EXPRESSions Home